sunset_moth: Ghost Trick (Just Chillin')
Like a flickering lamplight, I am drawn to this site once more. I fear that I do not give enough justice to DW. I have had such a strange last couple of months. In between struggling to get papers in on time, writing erratically, forcing the cogs inside my head to turn faster so that I might produce more pleasant shit for people to read (My friend claims my kind of shit is golden. Make of it what you will), and juggling social events in my free time, I have forgotten to write here. I suppose it is because I feel that I lack an audience. The increasing popularity of sites such as tumblr and facebook has made this kind of journaling a strange, perhaps even outdated form of keeping your friends up to date with the goings on of your life. The kind of crowd that now attracts a website like this is a reading crowd that wishes to devour the works of others, chew these things thoughtfully in their mouths as they prepare their constructive criticism.

Still, I will try to maintain this at the very least. It is more than I can promise when compared to my decaying FFnet account where I have not really posted anything new in the last few months.   

Surprisingly, I have a clear conscience when it comes to fanfiction. I wonder if it is because I have such a removed perspective from my fanfics now. Oh, I still enjoy writing them from time to time, but they are not as appealing to me as they used to be. "I grew up and out of it," would be far too easy an answer to say. More like, "There are too many things that interest me at the moment."  

A funny thing about my obsessions is that they are like flames. They burn strongly but die quickly. Thus, I unfortunately have a very short attention span as a result. This is just another one of my strange mood swings.

I read Lestaki's Windows of the Soul for a while. It is a beautiful fanfic, one that I will always go back to whenever I can. In my very biased opinion, it is one of the best love stories I have ever read because of the writer's style. He loves to describe and he loves to analyze a person's feelings, thoughts, ulterior motives, ambiguities--tries to capture the elusive in his writing. Whenever the two main characters ponder, especially about the other, they build such a beautiful profile that every chapter feels almost like an unsent love letter, detailing the other's best and worst qualities, reaffirming and reinventing how they feel about each other.

I like it very much. I wish I could somehow write like that. Not that I want to copy his style. Rather, I want to try and capture human thought and human expression through figurative language. Lestaki just does a good job of that.

May 2012

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